It’s time I’ve admitted something. Something everyone might not know (unless you’ve been my roommate). I watch an obscene amount of television. I have no justification, just a mixture of shame and the feeling of who gives a hoot. I call it, “shamoot.” I can go without it, there is no TV at Camp Jabberwocky, so I have gone a month straight without. My television watching while traveling with Up With People was sporadic and mostly consisted of watching American Idol in the Bible Belt. So there’s six months there. In all honesty I have absolutely no desire to give up television. Instead I will proclaim proudly in spite of my shamoot on this here blog on select Totally T.V. Thursdays the horrid (and absolutely not horrid) shows I watch and then I will attempt to explain why.
In honor of the first Totally T.V. Thursday let’s go for super horrid, America’s Next Top Model.
I have no idea how it started. I’m sure I can blame it on one of my friends. It’s all my fault that it continues, I’m pretty sure I’m the only one who still watches it (who is over 22). I feel like I can explain why I STILL watch ANTM in five tries.
1. I moved in with a man. This should have cured my sick addiction to ANTM. Surely, we’d be too busy watching football or Sons of Guns to have time for a sissy show about models. How was I to know that this man actually enjoyed watching ANTM? I never even know when a new
season “cycle” has started but he’s got a crazy sense for it. I run upstairs for another hit of chocolate bar, come downstairs and there she is that crazy Tyra, luring me in like a smizing siren. Which brings me to my second point.
2. Tyra Banks is bat-shit-CRAZY. If she’s not freaky smizing or scaring away every other judge (less “noted fashion photographer Nigel Barker”, what’s up with him anyway, a total glutton for punishment?) she’s forcing the contestants to wear capes and making horrid music videos. The nice thing is Tyra, as far as the show’s editors let me see, is mostly a fun crazy not crack head scary crazy. It is fun to watch. Just when you thought she’s done something that can’t be topped in the crazy department, she gives more. I’m lured every time and shocked every time.
3. I like watching wannabe models freak out. It will never get old.
4. I like to watch with Marcus (it his is fault anyway) and point out all the poorly dubbed voice overs. They occur about every 35 seconds, he also absolutely loves when I do this.
5. There are few things I love more than makeovers (Harry Potter and truffles come to mind). The brilliance of ANTM is that each week is really like a little makeover. A makeover where already beautiful people get more beautiful and then are judged by other beautiful people. Then the least beautiful person is sent home by a beautiful crazy person with poorly dubbed words of encouragement, she who is sent home sometimes freaks out and then I get to view a montage of all her previous lousy makeovers. It’s perfection, it really is.
So there you have I watch America’s Next Top Model because of Marcus-Crazy Lady-Freak Outs-Lousy Sound Editing-Makeovers. If you can make a better hyphenated suggestion with what I should do with my Wednesday nights from 9-10 P.M. I welcome it. Just don’t be surprised if I answer you with a “Shamoot, wanna be on top?”