Rüdesheim am Rhein does not translate to: Rude Ham on River. Instead it’s much more boring and translates to Ruedesheim (see how I removed the umlaut there and added an e? That makes it English) on the Rhine. It’s a good thing I’m here as I’m sure you needed me and my increasingly worsening German-language abilities to help you figure out that difficult translation. Anyway.. let’s get to the point, why Rude Ham on River is worth a visit.
It’s a wonderful tourist trap! I say that with the utmost love and admiration as I think most tourist traps are fabulous! (Looking at you Wizarding World of Harry Potter- I will find a way to move into faux-Hogwarts, some day)
Rude Ham on River has much to offer us tourists. It has cute, narrow cobblestone streets where my tourist family members posed with real a Real German! We also bought stuff! All kinds of stuff. If my memory serves me correctly we bought my grandmother some kind of artful cat figurine and I bought myself a giant bag of Haribo Gummy Bears. Haribo macht Kinder froh und silly tourists eben so!
It gets better than that though…way better..which can only mean one thing..drinks! And not just any drinks, mid-morning tiny bottles of wine complete with collectors cups! My personal favorite part (well besides the day drinking) is the gondola ride (on which we drink our tiny bottle of wine).
You, yes you, solitary follower of this blog, must do this!
The gondola took us from the town area, over the hillside vineyards and plopped us at the top where we had an excellent view of the town, the vineyards and the Rhine River.
At there top there is a very large statue of…somebody… don’t blame yourself if you can’t remember who, you’re drinking at altitude now after all. Just remember to have your picture taken so you can prove to everyone that you did indeed visit…that uhm one statue. It’s also appropriate at this time to switch tenses into second person (I wasn’t drunk, you’re the drunk, drunk!)
Well if by this point in the day, you need sobering up it is a lovely walk back down through the vineyards. We of course didn’t need to sober up, we are part-German, high altitude living, skinny state representing Coloradans who must, by our nature, go downhill by ourselves (even without snow and skis) and therefore we walked back down on principle alone. (We also transitioned back into first person to assert our sobriety) It was fortunate that we walked as we got to see some Rüdesheim wildlife in its natural habitat. Our home, Colorado, is a semi arid climate and while we do have big noisy things like elk we do not have (at least I’ve never seen any) slimy awesomes!
I’m talking about slugs and snails! It was a rainy day so the paths were
crawling slime-ing with these guys. We knew they must be cool because they shared our favorite pastime. I tried making friends with the slugs and snails, they are my homies after all, even if they prefer you don’t pour one out for them. Something rather distressing occurred after my full whole minutes of admiring and making friends with the slugs and snails. I got careless and crunched one of my new snail friends to death with my big stupid human foot. Thus bringing back my middle school tendency to shuffle and look down as I walked for the remainder of the downhill trip.
Regardless of the natures creatures
we I killed we had really lovely time at Rüdesheim am Rhein. I still have my commemorative wine glass and when I use it I always think fondly of the lovely views and make sure to pour out a bit for my lost (and slimy) homie.