Free-For-All Friday: Medical Maladies

A few weeks ago I was getting dressed for my exercise class in the bathroom at work and I briefly noticed that my lower shins seemed to be discolored compared to the rest of my leg. I figured it was the combination of the lighting and my tendency to wear extremely tight pants with socks over top (doing it the Swedish way).

"The Swedish Way"

The next day I was drying off after a shower and realized that the colorization difference was still evident. It could not be explained by hipster Swedish pants this time since I don’t sleep in pants or Swedish hipsters. The panic set in, my mind flashed to all the medical maladies I’ve spent hours reading about on WebMd.

I tried to remain calm as I stood there sort of wet, a little bit naked but definitely discolored. I even gave myself a rather benign diagnosis, “oh it must be a rash, (a rash that means I can probably never eat bacon again and my leg is going to fall off!) ” To confirm my diagnosis I walked (okay, speed walked) to the next best medical expert in the house, Marcus. I lurked down to where he was on the computer and said, with only a slight hint of panic in my voice, “Babe, look at my shins, do they look odd to you?”  He’s a critical thinker that fiance of mine, he looked, sat quietly for a moment (at which point my brain confirmed for itself that I only had weeks to live) and said, “As weird as any sunburned ankles would look.”

My fore bearer in the art shin burns.

Oh right, there’s a perfectly LOGICAL explanation, one that should have been obvious given my history.

It 100% absolutely never fails that I get a sunburn in March during the first warm weekend of pre-Spring.  You’d think I would learn. I’m pale, like really pale. The 18th century English might call it porcelain, that’s nice of you dead people, but really I’m just highly reflective. I don’t tan.

My most "tan" and attractive.

So when that first 65 degree day of spring arrives what do I do? Purchase a sunhat? Ask my dermatologist if she has anything stronger than SPF 70? No, I don’t do that. What I do is I brunch outside, ride bicycles and read Harry Potter in the backyard wearing capri pants. I do, briefly, think, oh I do, that I should put on some sunscreen. I respond to myself, rather rudely, that it will be fine just this once, it’s only March after all. And you know it is fine, I’m rocking a cool reverse sock tan that means spring is here and I have an entire summer of not-tanning ahead of me because lesson learned and SPF 50 applied.


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