Antiques Roadshow is the best show on television.
There, I said and you know it’s true. Oh sure Game of Thrones is flashy and has gratuitous boob shots. Mad Men makes us wish we could drink, and nap and do as much as Roger at work. But you know what never happens on these shows? Little old men crying due to pure surprise and happiness (well except when Lane punched Peter, I think I saw Cooper shed a tear). I’m not an antique-r by hobby or trade; the oldest thing I probably own are the high school cheerleader soffe shorts I’m wearing right now (call me Uncle Rico). Because I like lists and excuses not to write in complete sentences. I give you my
5 reasons why Antiques Roadshow is the absolute best show on television
(in order of importance)
- Mark Walberg (no h) – Does he care that some muscle man, former rapper turned respected actor has hijacked his name? No way, he just wants to look at old stuff and talk to people in Hawaiian shirts about their old junk. He’s so chill. We should all aspire to be so chill.
- It’s always on, meaning I never feel alone. Having two PBS stations in Denver is a real treat. It means the show is almost always airing and in those rare instances when it’s not. Not to fear you can watch EVERY episode online. Booyah Cayenne Pepper!
- It started it all. Pawn Stars? Puh-leaze. What a hack show. You don’t see the Keno brothers conveniently eating Subway sandwiches during the show, do you? (That’s because they eat Federal side chairs for supper)
- The people who think they have a crap of piece pottery that they found on the side of the road who then find out that it’s some old Native American artifact that’s worth nearly a trillion dollars. They do the “ohhh” face, they cry, they clam up, they shout PBS versions of obscenities (“you’re kidding!”). I smile along, I tear up, I wonder aloud what I could steal from my grandmother’s house in order to experience those emotions myself.
- The people who think they have something worth tons of money (and you can tell they think so). Schadenfreude at it’s finest. I love to yell at people on television (Marcus doesn’t love listening to it…he’s in for a long election season). These people are my favorite to yell at (yes, more than political pundits). It goes something like this… “Oh you’re too good for $2,000? Well that’s what you get for being a greedy jerk. If you’re too good for it, I’d be happy to take it from you. I wouldn’t be such a snob to $2,000.” That’s right, I told that lady.
I love you Antiques Roadshow. One day I’ll find a tapestry, somewhere, perhaps at a flea market (maybe I could make one out of these shorts) and I will cry on television..I promise.