The Ballet Bitch is Back.

Apparently leg warmer mom isn’t going away. I figured when she didn’t show up the following week from my last post on the issue she was like all the others who come for one class, show off a bit and never come back. I was, sadly wrong. I saw her and tried to resolve myself to view her differently, she even complimented my leotard (how leotarded of her). My positive outlook only lasted about four tondues and one, “oh it’s so hard to do it the simple way.” So since I’m not giving up MY happy Friday time to this, reliving my glory, mother I need some tips. Tips on dealing with insufferable know-it-alls.  I’ve come up with a few already…feel free to leave me additional suggestions.

  1. Brush it off and Ignore her. Is that even possible? Not for my obsessive never shutting up mind. What else?
  2. Remember that people who show off are compensating for an insecurity. This would work if I wasn’t then spending the entire hour trying to surmise what insecurity she’s compensating for: sad suburban life? recent divorce? left over baby weight? rapidly growing nose hair? surprising mid-life descending testicle? Oh wait, I’m supposed to be dancing now? Not standing at the bar with an evil grin on my face…my bad.
  3. Find something I’m better at, feel superior. I found it. It doesn’t help, she can’t count, she’s always fast but everyone follows her because she so leg-warmer-y so then I look off count and end up feeling inferior. Massive Backfire.
  4. Think of all the evil things I wish I could say to her. Counter-productive because I’ll never do it and it doesn’t make me feel better to think about it. Just like Lindsay Lohan discovers about snaggle-tooth in Mean Girls (the only example of Lindsay’s I plan to follow).
  5. When all else fails. Picture her dancing with a strap-on (bend over ballerina). Yes, I think that will work. I’m smiling already.
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