Why I should’ve NEVER dontaed to a Catholic Chairity

Once upon a time my cousin said she was going to go help sick people in South Africa, she’s a nurse so it seemed like a likely story. She asked the family for donations through the (Catholic) charity she was going with. I’m a nice cousin, if not a rich cousin, I sent $25. She didn’t go but I was suddenly on the radar of everything Catholic and needy.

After making the mistake of reading one letter about really sad nuns in upstate New York I resigned myself to just recycle the letters as they came. This would have worked if they were all easily ripped in half but they’ve been sending stuff! Those sad nuns, they sent me Valentine’s Day cards. I almost sent them to my grandmas but they were too Jesus-y for V-day. Then I was sent pennies, yes real pennies. Then I got a necklace featuring….a holy person? I guess, I’m not on a first name basis with many holy people, but I figure they don’t just put anyone on their free necklaces. After about 15 cents, a round of Easter cards and an angel coin I decided I needed to do something about all of this. So, I made a shrine (I already had the statue). Stuff kept rolling in and I was collecting guilt free (I’m not Catholic and former-Lutherans don’t even know what guilt is, unless it’s from Grandma). This seemed like a pretty cool deal, I was likely to make my $25 back in free crap in no time. I should have known that the glorious pouring in of presents would not come catch free. Apparently, I should have been returning all of this stuff, so they would know I wasn’t one of the “club.” If I had I wouldn’t have gotten this, on Monday…

Oh well that’s interesting. I don’t remember approving that request on Facebook but it could have been during UWP days when I just clicked yes over 100 times with feel good international friend abandon. Then it went on…

That’s funny that doesn’t sound like me. I checked, I didn’t accidentally open the neighbor’s mail. This letter was for me, telling me how horrible the Affordable Health Care Act is and how the morning after bill is abortion and…

Oh my! Not the conscience rights! I didn’t even know we had a guarantee of conscience rights and now they are under attack, seconds after I realized I had them! Balls! It must be one of those more obscure Bill of Rights Amendments, like maybe, #15 oh no it’s not that one. I couldn’t find it. Anyway, back to the point.

Boobs.

No, that’s not the point. The point is I got this letter. They think I’m one of the club and I have no idea how to drop out. It is awful. But you know what is the worst of it all? These guys didn’t even send me a free gift for me or my unborn child! Humpf, some friends.

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2 thoughts on “Why I should’ve NEVER dontaed to a Catholic Chairity

  1. OMG — I decided to check out your blog. Got to this one and nearly peed my pants from laughing so hard. I think you’re in the wrong career field. Bear Scout

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