Must Read Monday: Stuipdly Long Headlines

Well you see, here’s what happened. We don’t have a doorbell so when I actually hear someone knocking on our door I’m usually too near the door (or too loudly singing Janet Jackson songs) to pretend we’re not home. The girl, she knocked on the door, claimed to be raising money for East High School by selling weekend newspapers. I think it might have been a clever sales ploy but I’m a sucker for inner city high schools that look like castles and now we receive a newspaper Thursday-Sunday. I’ve actually enjoyed reading it but as it sucks up most of my “I better read so I feel smart” time and I have yet to figure out how to bookmark actual paper, Monday Must Reads has suffered. So here’s the hodge-podge of recommended reading I’ve dug up…

Blog Post

An Open Letter to the Impatient Commuters of the Greater Denver Metro Area

Driving to work everyday Denver to Broomfield, you learn a lot about the “rules of the road.” For instance, 55 MPH is only a suggested speed limit if you want a giant truck with truck nuts to get so close you can feel the nuts hitting your butt. It’s always blond girls who almost hit you because they are on their iPhones. And of course, it’s obviously my fault that you’re late so please make sure I know it by honking at me and swerving around me. I drive like a grandmother so I sympathize with the new driver author of this McSweeny’s open letter.

Environment? Sure.

Broomfield uses goats as an alternative to chemical weed control

I’ve always thought it was kind of stupid that cities spend money mowing the weeds next to roads. I do not however think it’s stupid to bring in goats to landscape because according to this article (from the Denver Post, which I read in a REAL paper) goats are environmental geniuses and we should all probably worship them, at least that’s the impression I got.

Music, Crappy Music

10 Songs That Scream Total Request Live

If you are my age (permanently 27) and are honest with yourself, you watched TRL, even if it was only because I forced you. Thought Catalog apparently decided to allow some not-total-douche-bags to occasionally write articles that speak to the uncool people, the ones like me who voted for Korn videos to beat out Britney Spears (and by Korn I mean Limp Bizkit, don’t judge me). Poor children today, no Carson Daly and no Tom Green songs about bums on Swedes no wonder they are all so depressed. Fun Fact: The Real Slim Shady video made my mother a fan of Eminem, like ask for CD’s for Christmas fan. Wow, I kind of miss the Real Slim Shady…

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