Worth a Visit: Kronborg Castle

I’m basically writing this post for Marcus, ex post facto. The man went to Sweden just across the sound from Kronborg Castle but didn’t visit despite my daily urging and gift of $6 worth of Danish Kroener. Perhaps if I’d written this post before he went he would have been so wooed by my cleverness and stunning advice, he would have visited it instead of some nerd island where he had his “best travel day ever,” (to which I always add, “without Kristen,” and he smiles because he’s too smart to contradict me) Anyway, to the point, Kronborg Castle in Helsingør, Denmark.

Totally Moat!

If you’re going to Denmark or southern Sweden or Austria (it’s all the same, right?), this castle is a must visit. It has a moat. If that’s not enough to make you go, I have more reasons, so many more reasons (and so many out of focus photographs).

  • It’s easy to get there, short train ride from Copenhagen, drinking ferry from Sweden or a blimp ride from Austria (one of those is a lie)
  • It’s really, really bad ass…
  • Badass-ness #1: Stupidly Old. Structures here were originally built in the 1400’s, then rebuilt due to fire in 1600’s or during what the Vikings refer to as the “recent days.”
  • Badass-ness #2: This castle is so old and so cool, that it is the castle that Shakespeare (yeah, that dead old guy) used as the setting of Hamlet, it is Elsinore.

    The still forthcoming Hamlet On Ice-Musical

      • Badass-ness #3: Audio tour! The castle has hotspots where you can download free audio tours to your wifi enable device. You too can annoy your Danish tour guide by insisting on listening to all of them, all the way through.

        “Quick, quick look like a Viking!”

Badass-ness #4: The bad ass, Holger Danske, in the basement, he’s sleeping there waiting for someone (anyone) to mess with Denmark so he can wake up and Viking their ass. It’s okay if he scares you, he scared me because he’s basically in a cave under the castle and caves are very scary.

Don’t wake Holger Daddy

  • Badass-ness #5: It’s a UNESCO World Heritage Site (#2 of 936  for those of you counting .002% accomplished!)
  • Badass-ness #6: Tapestries! I eavesdropped on a tour (which I 100% would go on if I were to do it over) and learned that the tapestries have secret messages woven into them such as “this guy is a putz,” represented by the snake in corner or something.

    What Would Weavers Say?

  • If moats, Hamlet, tapestries and audio tours aren’t for you, (you’re reading the wrong blog) then you should at least visit Denmark because Danes are unnaturally beautiful people and eat many potatoes, much bacon and endless amazing strawberries (my three main food groups).  Here is my adoptive family (it wasn’t a lie that I travel this way) and they are painfully beautiful and very welcoming to annoying tapestry obsessed Americans.

    Lesson: Eat more potatoes, get more attractive


2 thoughts on “Worth a Visit: Kronborg Castle

  1. Hamlet on Ice! Ahhhhh that is one of the best things we did in college, I think. Including graduating.

    And that dude in the castle cave looks like all the dead Starks in Winterfell. AWESOME. Take me there next time you go.

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