What If Wednesday: Work Like Congress

Did you know, today, the Republicans in the House are voting today to repeal Obamacare? (I don’t like calling it Obamacare but I’m owning it now as I’ve owned “weird” since age 7) Furthermore, did you know that this will be the 33rd time the Republicans have voted to repeal the act since it has passed? (such an impressive use of time and money, they really put the conserve in conservative)

This got me thinking, perhaps I should spend my workday like the House Republicans do, coming up with bills for my president that I know he would never approve. See my in-progress list below:

Kristen Proposal Number 1.1.0. Let’s Trade Paychecks Act
Cosponsors: Travis, the guy who never feels like he is paid enough

This act stipulates that Kristen Ditges, the most correct person in the company, will henceforth trade paychecks with the president of the company.  This act will in fact only benefit Kristen, Travis is kind of an idiot for cosponsoring.

Kristen Proposal Number 1.2.1 Bouncy Castles in the Showroom Decree
Cosponsors: The Company’s Wayward Teens, hired for their youth

This act sets forth that on all Fridays the company at it’s own expense shall erect a bouncy castle for use by all employees, except Beth in accounting as her hooker shoes would pop the castle. It is further decreed that it shall be acceptable employees bounce and drink slushees all day every Friday.

Kristen Proposal Number 1.3.2. Arrive When I Feel Like It Act
Cosponsors: Meg, The Cat Lady in Cubicle 24 and Jake, The Snake and former frat boy.

Because it is understood that we are extremely important. We shall only arrive on days and at times that we deem necessary. We will not be required to give advance notice of when these days and times will occur. The president and his men (the general term that may include women) can simply assume that we are in fact getting our work done and can pay us in accordance with Kristen Proposal Number 1.1.0.

Well that seems like enough work for one day. Time to take a nap on the conference room couch while I await presidential approval of my bills.


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