Dear INC Slate Dress Pants,
I’m really sorry but we have to break up. I want you to know, it’s me, not you, and I’m not just saying it. You’ve been great, you still are great. I can’t believe that after six years you still look just like the day I met you. We’ve been through so much together, remember that time in Mexico City when my baggage was lost? You were all I had, and you went with me, unwashed and like a champ, to Teotihuacan (#3 of 962 UNESCO World Heritage Sites).
You’ve seen so many other pants come and go, including countless skinny jeans that ripped after just a few months. Then there you were, abused, traveled in, machined washed and still holding strong.
Like I said, it’s me. I put on (at least) ten pounds since we met. I really had to suck in (or as Marcus called it on Monday, the putting the pants on dance) to get you on. Then once we were together at work, I had to embarrass myself by unbuttoning you so I could
slouch sit in my office chair. I deluded myself, for years, that one day we would be like we were in 2008, two chums who fit perfectly together. It’s time to be honest, though, no matter how skinny I feel, I’m just not skinny enough for you anymore, you deserve skinnier and I deserve to not feel like a big fat cow every time we are together (my fault, not yours).
We had great times. I will miss you.
PS This post was semi inspired by this link posted by Hannah about disposable clothing. (Also partially inspired by my muffin top)
PPS I think when writing this post I had a little gift from above (or beyond or whatever you believe). Yesterday, a wonderful and talented person I traveled with in Up With People passed away, after a long fight with lukemia. When looking for pictures of myself in pants I found this picture of of us (extra special because I had been looking for a few weeks for pictures of us together and hadn’t found even a decent one).