My little blog where I usually talk about poop and my dog has become a hit of the internet (hit is used very loosely, not unlike some of my fiber poops). Its sudden popularity is thanks to the episode of Game of Thrones that premiered June 2nd (you know the one where Walder Frey and Roose Bolton kill off the Starks, Oops I did It Again, just call me Britney) that I wrote about months ago while reading the book. I’ve gotten some hater comments for “ruining the show” for people. I would feel bad if the part in which I “ruined” didn’t exist in the written form for over ten years. Then I got to thinking maybe it’s not the haters faults. Maybe they really have been living under a rock for the past THIRTEEN years and there are all kinds of things they don’t know about. So this is for you, former under rock dwellers.
Kristen’s Spoiled Spoilers
(Shit that has been around for a decade but you’re just finding out about now and not in the sequence or medium in which you prefer)
- Sirius Black dies. Voldemort is back and now everyone knows it. Harry Potter can kind of be a whiny little bitch (but we mostly understand).
- Leggings (or as we called them in the 90’s stretch pants) will are hip again, yes I know, it’s hard to deal with so just put ’em on and move on.
- Legolus doesn’t die in Return of the King, no matter what your pest of a brother tells you. Frodo succeeds in destroying the ring even if he’s annoying as heck doing so.
- Jean Grey is the Phoenix and she’s fucking unbalanced.
- Arrested Development is (supposedly) the bomb but it’s going to get cancelled in two years, don’t fret though, it’ll come back in ten years but only on Netflix.
- You can stream Netflix ON YOUR TV, yeah kind of like pay per view.
- That book you loved before you moved under the rock, yeah, A Million Little Pieces, he made that shit up. Don’t feel bad, he tricked Oprah too.
- The South Beach Diet. Yeah it didn’t work. Yeah, you’re still fat from your fad diet addiction.
- 50 Cent never tops his hit, In Da Club, he also fails to get shot again and his celebrity is reduced to sponsoring a Vitamin Water flavor.
- Joffery Bratheon………………………………………….(just kidding, I’d never post about what happens to that little prick)