This morning I was in the shower, No this blog isn’t about to get all HBO Late Night. Anyway, I was in the shower this morning. For the past few days there has been a tiny spider hanging out in the upper corner above the shower head. When I turn in the water she curls up in a little ball and tries as hard as possible to be unnoticeable. She’s pretty good at it too, for the first few days of our cross -species -couples shower I just thought she was a odd spec of black who-knows-what in the corner.
Generally, I let bathroom spiders live if a) they aren’t scurrying around the floor like creeps or b) they aren’t actually in the tub (because then I wash them down and think to myself smugly that they should select their hang out spots more carefully). In fact, in high school there was a spider living behind my toilet and she would only come out when I was showering (humidity, I guess). I would even say hi to her when I got out of the shower, she had her place and I had mine and all was well in the wilderness known as my parent’s basement.
I had planned that this new bathroom spider and I might have a similar relationship as my old spider buddy. That was until last night when Marcus squints up at the spider. She wasn’t in her normal hunched in the corner position but hanging out in her little tiny web. I asked him what he was doing and he said, “I’m trying to figure out if that’s a black widow.” AHHHH! (still inconclusive)
So like I said I was in the shower this morning. She was in her hunching ball position and I had a momentary freak out that she would jump on me, poison me and I’d die. Frenemy. I realized that would be kind of ridiculous on her part because the water would surely wash her down before she even had a chance to implant her eggs in my ear. I felt better, self induced freak out had been subdued with logic. Logic-win!
In my new found state of happiness I began singing The Itsy Bitsy Spider. I realized that not only does this song negate my Logic-Win (because spiders lack logic) but that it’s a horrible children’s song. It’s all about making a big mistake (climbing up the water spout), thankfully surviving stupidity (out came the sun and dried up all the rain) only to repeat the mistake over again. What a lousy message.
The song needs new lyrics. I’m thinking something along the lines of:
The itsy bitsy spider
Climbed up the waterspout
Down came the rain
And washed the spider out
Out came the sun
And dried up all the rain
And the itsy bitsy spider
Learned from her mistakes and became a productive member of society!
Perhaps, not as musically appealing but I think it sends a much better message to youth.
So then, in the shower, I washed my hair twice because I was so distracted I forgot what shower tasks I had already accomplished.