Dear Facebook/Instagram/Vine Friend,
I think it’s pretty rad that you went to a concert last night. I dig music. I even (like you) used to get my groove/mosh/not-trying-too-hard-head-bob on quite often. I know this is going to sound like an old lady rant, especially because it is coming from an old lady who will now only frequent a concert if there is seating, craft beer and clean bathrooms.
Please still give it a little consideration.
I have a request and really a bit of advice. No one gives a crap about your picture/video/6 second summary taken from 30 rows back of the concert you were at last night, so please for the love of DMB, ICP or STS9 please STOP POSTING IT.
I’ve been there. Pre-Smartphone even, I recorded 12 seconds of a Dave Matthews Band concert from the nose bleeds at the Pepsi Center. I thought I’d replay it for my high school crush, he’d whisk me off my feet and we’d have little babies and name them Jimi and Billie. So see, I get it. But you know what? I never played it for him, because it sounded like crap. I’m not sure I even listened to it again and if I did, I know I could not tell which song it was I had recorded.
I know your heart is in a good place. You want to connect. You want someone see your picture or video and say, “I love those guys.” or, “That’s my favorite song, too!” Perhaps, you’re bragging a little bit, but that’s what Instagram/Facebook/Vine is for, so there’s nothing wrong with that. The trouble is nobody can tell what concert you are at, who is on stage or what song is being played. To all of us, the unlucky ones who weren’t there it just a bunch of garbled noise from indecipherable extremely poorly filmed but heavily lit stages. Garbled noise that plays loudly and unexpectedly first thing in the morning when I think I’m being quiet so as to not wake the husband in the bed next to me. But then, husband wakes up, annoyed, wife gets annoyed, dog barks, cat scratches at door and no one gets bacon because someone forgot to pick some up at the store yesterday (okay, that last one is not your fault). It’s unpleasant, let’s just leave it at that.
I hope you know that I love you, Facebook/Instagram/Vine Friend. I do not think of you negatively for posting these extremely annoying concert posts and I admit it there are much more annoying social media posts out there. I just figure that no one has ever told you that your concert posts, well, they are pretty bad too. I bet I won’t be the only person who is glad when you’ve stopped sharing them.
The Grouchy Old Lady Drinking the Beer in the Reserved Seat.