My Facebook Friends Have No Idea That I’m Pregnant

A post from two years ago, when I was pregnant:

Surprise internet friends! There is something besides french fries taking up a significant amount of room in my abdomen. Sorry I didn’t tell you but you’ll see I have some good-ish reasons.

The top eleven reasons my Facebook friends have no idea that I’m pregnant:

  1. We decided not to make a “Facebook Announcement” of our successful breeding activities. (after writing this post we did end up doing a very grainy photo with some pun about a turkey as an “announcement”)
  2. There are no pictures of myself taken in the last 7-10 weeks that I can bare to look at.
  3. I dread all the well meaning (I think they are well meaning) comments like “get ready for your life to change” or “being a mom is the most important thing you’ll ever do”
  4. I’m really relishing in being the anti-baby pregnant person. (It reminds me of the good old days of being the anti-cheery cheerleader)
  5.  I’m not ready to talk about nursery decorations or day-care options
  6. I’m afraid I’ll get automatically enrolled in the mommy club (I think enrollment comes with a free pair of mom jeans)
  7. I don’t want to get blocked by all of my childless cool friends
  8. I don’t want all of my friends who fell off the Earth when they had kids to suddenly feel like we should be besties again
  9. My internet friends are still recovering from all of the dog and cat photos I have posted
  10. I decided to tell people as I saw them or as it came up. Turns out I hardly interact with most of my Facebook friends (shocking, I know)
  11. Because I’ve found talking about a parasite living in my uterus is very awkward, especially when presented that way to people who would rather call it a miracle or something else hokey.
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